I want to get help

by - 19 Oct 2019 08:59
     19 Oct 2019 08:59
Hello. I want to get help but I'm afraid. I want to go to a doctor but I know how my parents may react. My dad's a perfectionist and my mom would probably just ask me why I am depress or how am I depress. I love them both but when it comes to my feelings I know they wouldn't understand. I once asked my mom to get a check-up in psych but she just asked me "why" and I don't know how to answer it so I ended up saying, "Just to check if we're crazy." 

I once went to our university's counselor and after opening up about my depression, I felt extremely anxious. It didn't felt good. It was a terrible experience for me. I mean, the counselor was great but talking about my feelings is never a great experience for me. 

I know I have depression. I just want to be sure and be diagnosed for real. I just want to feel normal. I was planning to go to a hospital since they said there's a free diagnosis but I can't afford therapy or medication in case the doctor asks me to do any of it. 

Also, I feel guilty for feeling these way. It's been almost 8 years since I started feeling this way but it worsened during my junior high school. My parents are great. They give us everything we need. They are both working hard. And I can't find a word to describe how I feel in front of them. I don't want them questioning whether they did something bad or if they lack something. 

I'm sorry this is too long. I just don't have anyone to talk to. I've been craving help but I can't push myself to ask for it. 

I want to tell myself that there's nothing wrong with me but all I can see is a mess. And everyday, I just wish that it's my last. I'm just so tired. 
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Thomas    30 Oct 2019 21:35

Ok hi, Im not a professional but I think I know a thing or two about this ha I'm literally a 13 year old kid but I do know something. I understand you quite well since I am going through the exact same thing you are. If you want help trust me just tell your parents tell them exactly this whether you like it or not tell them you think you have depression, tell them you want help. I know it feels like they won't take you seriously but they do they really do. Because even if your not diagnosed you are very much able of being a danger to yourself. please trust me tell your parents how you are feeling ok?

Thomas    30 Oct 2019 21:40