I have questions about Steps to be Healthier

by Tanuja - 13 Dec 2019 19:50
 Tanuja    13 Dec 2019 19:50
I am a 43 year old female with happily married and 2 kids. I am originated from India and marriages are mostly arranged. In my childhood days my parents used to think about one of my dad's friends son to fix the marriage with him. they never told to me about it but somehow I figured it out and I have started having feelings over him. we never met in person during those days. I know that guy since my childhood days. I had those feelings more than 7-8 years and somehow things did not work well and he got married with some other lady. I grieved for some time and got married afterwards. we both migrated to US afterwards and last touch. My husband is a nice guy and I cannot say it is a perfect marriage we used have some arguments and we used to adjust later on the whole I am okay but with some dissatisfaction's in life. Since the other guy was my family friend and we lost in touch for the past 20 years. recently I searched for him and found him through social media, we both spoke with each other and we met with the families and felt very happy. When we met and no one else was there he kind of gave me some hints that he missed me. I did not utter a word during that time that I had feelings over him. I was treating him as of he is one of my good friends. I have started comparing him with my husband and which is the bad thing from my side. At one point of time during my friendly conversations with him I told him that he was my first crush and I had feelings over him. Afterwards he started calling me very frequently and told me that he really missed me and we did not share our feelings during those days. Right after he got married we heard that there were some issues with his wife. I was initially scared of these kind of conversations and later when he said that he admiring me a lot I was started enjoying talking to him. He mentioned several times that he has no physical connection with his wife. He is a very hyper active guy and I am also the same kind of personality. he made me feel like as of we both are soul mates. He started sexing with me. I never had any doubt about his behavior, I have noticed few lies in between but never doubted about him. One day during our regular conversations he asked me why can't I leave my husband and join with him for the rest of the life. I told him I do not have that kind of idea to leave my husband and kids to join with him and told him please do not say that again. But in a week moment I told him I would like to spend a day with him as of he is my husband. After a huge plan we both met in person and we kissed and did foreplay. No intercourse. He mentioned several times and that we're eternally connected. Right after that day, he started ignoring me, it was so happened that we both met again in a public place and he is kind of very settled and told me few lies why he is not texting me frequently. He said if we are not ready to leave the current relationship we cannot talk to each other. He gave me an expensive gift during those days. One day I called him and did not pick up , it is really pissed me off and I sent an email to him saying that I would return the gift. He responded to the same email saying he didn't know what happened and he game me his home address. Later I sent him a text message asking why he is not responding to my messages. called him 4-5 times and now he blocked me. All these 5 months he really became my good friends and beyond, a guide and a philosopher to me. Now I am really depressed the way how he behaved with me and now he is totally ignored me. I know this is not a good relationship but he really gave me some good / nice ideas about my career and raising a teenager and other things. It is really hard to forget him now and the insult he did it to me and betrayal he has done. I am cursing myself why I am in touch with him. There are many more things to say before concluding but I am really devastated now. I have cheated my husband and he cheated on me. there is no other exciting thing to continue my life and this guilt is killing me. I can afford money to get a good counselor but my husband will figure it out :-(
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