In the simpliest of terms: how does one get over a fear of positivity and goodness in one's life? If I set out to achieve anything, internally I am self-destructing, though externally I am fairly successful in what I can manage to convince myself to try. People suggest meditation or mantras or positive thinking, but all these will cause me to panic. Kind words, kind thoughts...all of it feels like a trap, a setup, a lie. I want to change my negative thought processes, but the starting bar of "tell yourself it will be a good day" or whatever variant might as well as be the same as telling a beginning instrumentalist to play the whole range of their instrument right off. Doesn't matter if I technically know how to, the attempt is discord and sometimes painful to hear. What are some smaller steps I can look into or research?