Category
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Ebony
17 Feb 2020 02:27
I’ve been dealing with depression since I was a little girl about age 8/9, I don’t remember much I just remember always being sad ,always crying my self to sleep or in general always feeling let out especially family wise I was treated different then my sister. I got bullied at every school I went to. Very suicidal as a kid and last year 2019. I attempted suicidal as kid I attempted running away. I never had a mom to call a mom she was around but very mentally abuse .. still to this day . She would always tell me I’m stupid, ( so do my siblings) worthless, to kill my self that I hope I find a man that beats me . I could go on with more horrible stuff but you get the point. I struggled in school from very young till now. I always had a leaning problem school was always hard for me I could never sit still. There may be a chance I had adhd/ add. and I never really had anyone growing up just my friends really. But recently I stopped being friends with my best friend of 11 years and it broke me completely I would have panic attacks thinking abut it I still to this day have a hard time dealing with it . I then had to cut off my other very close friend of 6 years. That really just took me of the edge while I lost my close friend I was in a veeeerrry toxic mental Abusive relationship. Which I got cheated on plenty of times. After that my depression got really really bad which at this point it’s beyond horrible. I can’t sleep, most times I don’t eat because I don’t have an appetite. The only time I get one is when I smoke (marijuana) I feel like that’s the only thing that makes me happy. It’s now turned into a addiction. I can’t go a day without it. Last year after all that happened I got anxiety which I never ever had. I can’t even put in to words how bad my anxiety has gotten . It’s like I can’t even normal human being stuff because I feel like I’m crazy. Every where I go I have it. Even at home and at work and I recently just stared college but I had no choice to stop going after only a week because my anxiety is SOOOO BAD. I can’t sit still, I get very anxious when people stare at me. Literally any Loud noise even a cough makes me jump or startled. A car honk, a door slamming. I’m now looking to dropping out because I can’t do it. Every where I go it’s affecting me really bad no matter what I do or how much I smoke. I feel like the only time I don’t have it is when I’m alone in my room. After everything I been thru I just feel like I haven’t been able to trust anyone or talk to anyone because anyone which lead me here today because I’m so drained I cannot even cope with this life anymore it’s like I’m a different person not in a good way a bad way . I’ve always dealt with being insecure due to having 4 years of acne which caused a bigggg role in my depression but as of recently I feeel really beautiful and I can sAy that I love my self but. The only thing stopping me now is all of this and I really lost and I don’t know what to. I’ve been keeping this a secret for more then a decade now I just feel so lonely and I know that I don’t have anyone which makes me feel 100x worse. I haven’t made any new friends after I cut everyone off because I really can’t trust anyone anymore. And I’m just tired I can’t live my life like this anymore . I did some research and I may have ptsd from all of what happened to me last year. I’m just really hoping to get the help I need so I can feel normal and live a normal life
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Adjustment Disorder
Anxiety
ADHD
Autism Spectrum
Borderline Personality
Bulemia
Depression
Dissociative Fugue
Dysthymia
Exhibitionism
Female Sexual Arousal
Fetishism
Hypoactive Sexual Desire
Kleptomania
Learning Disorder of Math
Mania and Bi-Polar
Narcissistic Personality
Oppositional Defiant
Pica
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Premature Ejaculation
Pyromania
Stress
Substance Abuse
Substance Dependency
Somatic Symptom
Schizotypal Personality
Tourette
Anorexia
Antisocial Personality
Avoidant Personality
Agoraphobia
Body Dysmorphic
Conduct Disorder
Dependent Personality
Depersonalization
Dyspareunia
Expressive Language Disorder
Frotteurism
Histrionic Personality
Intermittent Explosive
Learning Disorder of Written Expression
Learning Disorder of Reading
Masochism
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Pedophilia
Paraphilia
Penetration Disorder
Paranoid Personality
Rumination
Schizophrenia
Sadism
Schizoid Personality
Stuttering
Trichotillomania
Voyeurism
(415) 766-8216
info@elttila.com
St. Johns, Michigan
San Carlos, California