hey I think I have bpd, but I'm not quite sure. I was sexually abused as a child and have hardships since then with anxiety, depprsion and paronia. I have the feeling of emptiness and I am often angry and feel that I have no control over these feelings.

I used to think of killing myself, but stopped doing it because I really wanted to live. for a period i was bing eating, but now I'm nauseous every day and i eat maybe one or two meals everyday. I have problems understanding who I am and what I feel.
I dont know whether I am good or evil . i have tried to find out who I rellly am, but
I have become too tired to think because is exhausting.

I am very afraid of being left alone by those I love but I hate to feel weak so I would not have asked people not to leave me even if it kills me inside. i have given up the ide of marry. I change what I'm thinking about other people from being good to being evil quite sudden. no one knows how much I am suffering and my family often say that I'm evil and other things that hurt me. they love me, but they can can be bad sometimes. I tend to either be angry or hyper happy at home and at school I am alone and have no friends. when my best friend moved after a friendship of seven years I have not had a friend since then and i am afride to make one.

i often got punished by my parents for being angry and my siblling where sometime bad to me. i know that they love me but they shouldt treat me like that even if they dont know how sick i am. i can not seek pyskolog, becasue i dont want them to finde out and i also feel week if they feel bad for me something that i relly hate. insted i want that they think about me as a angry, bad girl that they think i am

do I have bpd or anything else.?