I have a son that has been an alcholic for 10 years or more he is now 29 years of age , and although I have tried to be the fixer and resolver of his problems which I clearly understand as being an enabler , I still have not been able to accomplish the goal of his life getting back on track , and I do not have a good relationship with him , I feel he rejects me , the more I do for him the more He rejects me .although he still accepts my help after I even push it , feeling that perhaps , resolving the problems he creates for himself , may somehow motivate him and it does but very briefly .he does not live with me , after many attempts i finally asked him to leave , he found a friends house that allows him to stay there rent free , and the friends are also alcholics , and they smoke pot and who knows if there is more stuff going on , although i believe he is more focused on alcohol , but cannot guarantee it . I have some feelings of guilt for not having raised him , my parents raised him , as I myself did not have a very well balanced young adult life I had him at 22 and when my marriage did not work out , my parents became the care takers , needless to say this was the worst choice I could have made for him , due to the impact of what his life has become now , I blame lack of parenting skills and I blame myself . I have fallen into somewhat of an obsessive pattern , constantly making him the focus of my life , from the moment I wake up , untill I go to sleep , this has even created much frictions and problems , for my current relationship and myself . I listen to the the Al-anon 12 steps and try to apply program steps to my life and it has helped but not enough , it gives me some peace but I fall into bad habits again , I currently have noticed anxiety issues , for example everytime i hear sirens , police or ambulance i getting a sinking feeling in my gut and become terrified , my son comes into my mind , and then horrible thoughts start going thru my brain. I catch myself doing this , and stop the thought process before it gains more out of control thought processes , but clearly I am concerned that this is even happening , when I should know better . I feel I may need therapy to deal with these issues , but am procrastinating on getting therapy , giving myself all sorts of excuses , like , there is no insurance , I can handle this myself , this is just silly , but i know better , I need to talk to someone soon or find some method of being able to control these impulses to avoid this problem from progressing , I have read up on the subject , it has a name it is called Hearing Anxiety , and there are some people that have the issue , although they do not have any issues similar to mine , meaning an alcholic relative . or child , that may have created the trigger , there triggers are unknown to many , I have associated it with my son , as an incident occured while living in the same complex I currently live in he had an episode of friends that practically lived with him as they were there day after day , a gun went off , 6 gun shots actually and later my son and friends fled since i lived across from him I heard and saw the entire situation unfold before me and it is my feeling that this situation is the one that has created my trigger for when I hear sirens , as well as his entire overall behavior , as prior to this I never had any issues with sirens other than its annoying sound . I am constanly seeking on line answers, trying to find ways to maintain serene , and it does not seem to work for long